It's late.
I have a headache.
I'm tired...physically and emotionally.
All of these conditions means that I am in NO condition to be blogging, but yet, here I am.
Want my advice?
Leave.
Leave my blog NOW. It's not too late.
For those of you that still dare to read...I apologize.
I apologize for the venting session that is about to take place.
If I could sum up the last couple of days with one word it would be...UGH.
Which technically, I don't know if "ugh" is a word, but nonetheless Urban Dictionary has a definition for it.
UGH: a sound of disappointment or really not happy with something.
Do hear that?
That is the sound of Urban Dictionary hitting the nail on the head.
Disappointment being the keyword.
I would much rather my friends or family yell at me then say they were disappointed in me. You're disappointed with me?
Well, join the club. I think I now have a semi-long list of people that are or have been disappointed in me.
Trust me, I'm on that list most of the time as well.
I know..."it's apart of life" and "you can't make everyone happy" but, my gosh, you would think after 24 years of life it would get easier to hear.
It never does.
Do you ever feel like someone could be living YOUR life better then YOU?
Because I do.
I wish that sometimes I could just check out (not in like a suicidal way) and have someone else live my life for...uh...I don't know 6 months?
They could make my parents proud, they could make my friends happy, they could do better at my job, they could magnify my church calling, they could strengthen my testimony, they could improve my talents, they could get my life back on track and then I will check back in the game.
*sigh*
Doesn't that sound nice? Maybe they could do some hardcore dieting and exercising while they're at it. Now THAT sounds lovely.
I will start taking applications.
It's not that I am lazy and don't want to try to change, I do, but sometimes I feel like its never going to be enough. That I am not enough.
UGH.
Now, please don't leave a comment with your doctors name and number.
I don't need anti-depressants, I promise. It's just one of those days.
Nothing that can't be cured with a little sunshine and chocolate.
7 comments:
Oh sister, I love you. You have some good insights here. I have thought something similar along the lines of having someone take over, or just have someone help me organize my life, or coach me or something. Life is hard and you are at a stage of your life that you are making so many decisions.
But sister, no one can live your life better than you. It seems you need some clarity.... and direction. Sit down with yourself and have a good talk. Set some goals and dates to accomplish them. Work hard on them and don't let yourself beat yourself. Does that make sense?
"I count him braver who conquers his desires than him who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over one self."
I think that is a big part of life. Being strong enough to conquer the weak parts of ourselves and become stronger and more confident. Come off conquerer.
I love you so much. I think you are talented and beautiful and such a good friend to so many. You are very very loved by many.
You never dissapoint me! (Except when I don't get to see you for years and years, but that's just a dissapointMENT, not you dissapointing me.) I love you, My Bostody! Call me soon.
tomorrow is another day ♥
Girl! You are sunshine to those of us standing on the sidelines watching.... I applaud YOU for writing about life's ups and downs.... it helps us grow.... It helps us vent.... it helps us organize our thoughts.... I know that God has big plans for you, Miss Courtney. I know that you can do ANYTHING you set your heart and mind to! I know that you are STRONGER than you know! I know that you are loved by MANY and most of all by God! Thank you for sharing your heart with us. It's a heart of PURE gold, and I feel blessed to have known you, even if it has been only for a short time.
Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid. (franklin jones)
BTW - You are a such a talented writer and the MOST creative person I know!
Yours, Anna Bunanna!
I love you Corten! :) Just so you know... I SO had one of those days yesterday. If only I could have stepped out for the day instead of living it. UGH! I agree. I concur.
I consider it a tender mercy that the sun came out today. Oh how I needed it! :)
Love you!
Okay, seriously? You NEED to live by me! Your post totally summed up my day today... and I'm all alone in my house and missing my best friend on top of it!
The only thing that gets me through days like this is prayer. I just pray that I can get something right, for once. Or that someone, somewhere will appreciate me. Or just that I can feel like Heavenly Father has some love for poor little me, even if I feel like I could be doing so much better. So just say a prayer. Sometimes that's really all you can do.
Wish I was there so I could give you a hug and we could have a sleepover or a craft night or something. Love you, sis. xoxo
GIRL!
you will be OKAY! Just keep that in your head. Keep the faith and always know that after all has failed, God hasnt :) Your a wonderful and lovely person! I am soo happy to call you my friend and co worker.
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